I spent two hours, last Tuesday, at Dr. B’s office as the boys attended Social Group led by Amber, Dr. B’s assistant. Not at the same time, of course. M is in the older group and he went first. The Social Group gives Asperger Kids the chance to learn social skills and is moderated by Amber who gently guides them in their interactions. Which I believe even Neuro-typical kids could benefit from instead of stumbling around and trying to figure it out on their own on the playground.
While M was in his Social Group, my younger two sons, B and J were in an adjoining office playing with toys while my husband and I attended a parent support group in the waiting room. Our parent support group was led by a woman named Lorie, who is a professional in the field of autism.
Lori related to us her experience at a recent conference for Autism. One of the speakers had said, “What do you call a group of ten teenage boys, tackling a kid with Aspergers and expelling an entire can of air freshener on him?” We were silent as we waited for Lorie to continue, wondering what kind of joke this was going to be.
“Natural consequences,” Lori delivered the punch line with a grim face. We responded in disgust. She summarized the message of that particular conference speaker; We, as parents need to hold our autistic children’s feet to the fire and force them to adapt to Neuro-Typical standards on social interaction. A sort of, survival of the fittest, if you will.
Our response was outrage. Lori quickly soothed us and revealed that she did not hold to that line of thinking and she ended up leaving that session of the conference just as disgusted as we were. But she warned us that there were professionals in the field of autism that do believe autistic kids need to take their lumps if they ever hope to fit into society, by forcing them to forsake their uniqueness in order to be considered acceptable.
This revelation gave my husband and me lots to think about. I wondered if exposing my sons to bully’s who didn’t like the way they thought or acted would be in their best interest. The thought sickened me. Are we a civilized society or not? There are other methods to achieving the same goal, I’m sure.
While participating in the Parent Support Group, we were introduced to the concept of the Floortime Approach created by Stanley Greenspan who devoted his life’s work to children’s development. He also wrote the book Engaging Autism, which Lori highly recommended.
We also shared stories of our interactions with our Aspie kids, and laughed at the similarities. Lori has an Aspie son and it was refreshing to know that she too, becomes frustrated sometimes with her child. I didn’t feel like such a horrible parent for struggling with figuring out my children. Disciplining an Aspie child is challenging. I learned that in order to get across to the Aspie child that their behavior is unacceptable (such as picking at the dog’s sore paw) you just have to repeat yourself in a very detailed way several times. Telling my child “No,” just once, is not enough. Unless I explain in detail why the poor behavior is unacceptable and the consequences thereof, my sons will continue in their behavior pattern. And I have to repeat myself multiple times throughout the day, and through the next and so on. We had to give away a few of our pets because our Aspies couldn’t understand why they weren’t allowed to jump on them, pull their tails, or throw them down the stairs. Before the diagnoses of high functioning autism, I thought my sons were born to be naturally cruel. I had envisioned their future lives behind bars! Now I know that autistic kids lack the capacity of empathy. So, we’ve been working on developing a sense of empathy by role playing and constant repetition of what is expected of them.
While M was in his Social Group, my younger two sons, B and J were in an adjoining office playing with toys while my husband and I attended a parent support group in the waiting room. Our parent support group was led by a woman named Lorie, who is a professional in the field of autism.
Lori related to us her experience at a recent conference for Autism. One of the speakers had said, “What do you call a group of ten teenage boys, tackling a kid with Aspergers and expelling an entire can of air freshener on him?” We were silent as we waited for Lorie to continue, wondering what kind of joke this was going to be.
“Natural consequences,” Lori delivered the punch line with a grim face. We responded in disgust. She summarized the message of that particular conference speaker; We, as parents need to hold our autistic children’s feet to the fire and force them to adapt to Neuro-Typical standards on social interaction. A sort of, survival of the fittest, if you will.
Our response was outrage. Lori quickly soothed us and revealed that she did not hold to that line of thinking and she ended up leaving that session of the conference just as disgusted as we were. But she warned us that there were professionals in the field of autism that do believe autistic kids need to take their lumps if they ever hope to fit into society, by forcing them to forsake their uniqueness in order to be considered acceptable.
This revelation gave my husband and me lots to think about. I wondered if exposing my sons to bully’s who didn’t like the way they thought or acted would be in their best interest. The thought sickened me. Are we a civilized society or not? There are other methods to achieving the same goal, I’m sure.
While participating in the Parent Support Group, we were introduced to the concept of the Floortime Approach created by Stanley Greenspan who devoted his life’s work to children’s development. He also wrote the book Engaging Autism, which Lori highly recommended.
We also shared stories of our interactions with our Aspie kids, and laughed at the similarities. Lori has an Aspie son and it was refreshing to know that she too, becomes frustrated sometimes with her child. I didn’t feel like such a horrible parent for struggling with figuring out my children. Disciplining an Aspie child is challenging. I learned that in order to get across to the Aspie child that their behavior is unacceptable (such as picking at the dog’s sore paw) you just have to repeat yourself in a very detailed way several times. Telling my child “No,” just once, is not enough. Unless I explain in detail why the poor behavior is unacceptable and the consequences thereof, my sons will continue in their behavior pattern. And I have to repeat myself multiple times throughout the day, and through the next and so on. We had to give away a few of our pets because our Aspies couldn’t understand why they weren’t allowed to jump on them, pull their tails, or throw them down the stairs. Before the diagnoses of high functioning autism, I thought my sons were born to be naturally cruel. I had envisioned their future lives behind bars! Now I know that autistic kids lack the capacity of empathy. So, we’ve been working on developing a sense of empathy by role playing and constant repetition of what is expected of them.
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